tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85020841793054037512011-04-21T16:02:05.934-07:00I got a free calendar from a bar. a friend took that calendar and began writing things to do in it. I then told him that I would attempt to do everything he added. He then told me some of the things are fake and take place in fake locations.... i'll try not to let that stop me.UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.comBlogger231100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-58209805721551979162007-04-09T12:02:00.000-07:002007-04-09T12:06:55.423-07:00

Here is the calendar for AprilApril 1st. National Surrogate Mother's Day. Hug a surrogate MotherApril 12th. See Doctor about ear wax buildupApril 18th. Challenge random person to arm wrestling matchApril 23rd. Buy moustache wax for moustacheapril 27th. Take cat to cat whore

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-7177487227964985022007-04-09T11:50:00.000-07:002007-04-09T12:06:22.866-07:00

And the calendar clearly states...now... you may be wondering. who he hell is Zac?well... i'll tell ya.this is zacand he is the man responsible for about 90% of the Calendar entries. It is because of this crazy grease monkey, that I am doing these strange things.Since it's his birthday, I decided, with the help of my lady friend, to make him a cake.but I should explain something real quick

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-10712238366802284042007-04-09T08:06:00.000-07:002007-04-09T12:06:14.753-07:00

The Calendar clearly states that I must...So, that is what I set off to do. I realized that I did indeed have a bump that was bothering me, and I knew exactly where to go to get it checked.Inside the office, I told the receptionist of my appointment and waited. There were many educational brochures so I figured I might as well study a few of them.The doc finally came for me and took me to a

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-34956767178675335032007-04-09T07:27:00.000-07:002007-04-09T12:06:02.373-07:00

I'm gonna have to edit this one later, as I havent gotten around to it. but i dont want entries to be out of place. so consider this a place holder.

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-59785390022009092122007-03-20T14:10:00.001-07:002007-03-20T14:10:49.562-07:00

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-4466573081376243782007-03-20T09:10:00.000-07:002007-03-20T09:29:00.361-07:00

And it was said by the calendar that I had to make, Chicken Fried Rice.So, I did just that.First of course, I had to defrost me some chicken. I only needed two breast. And yet most packages of chicken come with the unnatural ammount of three breasts. whats up with that?mmm gold'n plump, just how I like em.the first step, was to boil them yummy things. While i did that, I went into the fridge

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-5076321159391173272007-03-09T08:17:00.000-08:002007-03-09T08:19:04.203-08:00

I guess at this point, if you've at all been following this, you know i am not alwasy punctual.well... at the moment, I'm having some pricey technical difficulties and need to get it figured out before i can continue.some of my audio equipment has been crapping out, and since i also need said audio equipment for the band im in, it has taken priorety.dont worry, i'll be back reaaaal soon.sorry.

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-21936728444789234242007-03-02T06:31:00.000-08:002007-03-02T06:57:44.774-08:00

And on this day, the calendar instructs:Thats a problem. How am I supposed to yodel like I mean it? I don't even know how to yodel?After a bit of research, I came across a website that promised to teach me to be a yodeling pro.After some practice... I felt I was ready to yodel.and soI did

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-75980551270570041722007-03-01T06:26:00.000-08:002007-03-01T06:29:48.343-08:00

I'm still missing one last february project, as I havent really been able to find time to do it right. but it shall be done today.i also want to work on customizing the look of this place a little bit, oh when will i find time.anyways, I shall post the pictures of the March calendar for all to look over.2 - chicken fried rice5- take cat to get spayed15- put on war paint and "act the fool"20- get

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-22340350182366475872007-02-28T11:31:00.000-08:002007-02-28T11:51:57.666-08:00

And the calendar says...Now, apparantly a bunch of highbrow "scientists" and "historians" got together and discovered that the great Mr. washington did NOT in fact have wooden dentures. They are out to prove that 'the wash', as I call him, is not boring.Well, its gotta be a conspiracy, coz I can vouce for the pres. having wooden dentures, I mean, I have a set of my own.and sometimes after you

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-41363368620071653032007-02-21T17:44:00.000-08:002007-02-21T17:47:14.007-08:00

the calendar says:"yeah love"not exactly sure what i was supposed to doso i did this

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-82355570630252961552007-02-20T08:33:00.000-08:002007-02-20T08:44:58.717-08:00

the calendar says:"buy a stovepipe hat"pretty straightforward. so off i went to find one.It didnt take long to find a display with various presidential wear.yes, I believe this is what I am looking for!I never knew stovepipe hats came in flat plastic baggies, but hey, what do I know?I rushed home and quickly put the hat onbut something didnt feel quite right.Then, it came to me. An idea popping

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-36771745225202444982007-02-20T08:28:00.000-08:002007-02-20T08:32:01.445-08:00

And there my friends, is a happy grandma.ps: that is my girlfriend's grandma.

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-28461644986110268072007-02-08T11:41:00.000-08:002007-02-06T06:12:56.646-08:00

And the calendar says....so, off I went. to the wonderful store that is Target.If any place was gonna have what was needed to keep gramsy's footies warm... it was there.so inside I went, and after getting lost a few times in the bra section, I found myself looking at a wall of sock.and I began to browse. I didn't want to pick up the first sock I saw. I have standards, and so does grammy.I

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-51935960652257276112007-02-05T21:17:00.000-08:002007-02-05T21:34:13.318-08:00

who is amy you ask?one of the 2 friends who are responsible for this here calendar. she is also known on the woxy message boards as Emerald2727.any ways... its her (air quote marks)her birthday (end air quote marks)ok, I found out its not really her birthday... it's the one month aniversary of her birthday.but hey, that deserves a toast dont you think!so friends gathered at the local pub,

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-33284618285521515512007-02-05T21:12:00.000-08:002007-02-05T21:16:41.339-08:00

Here is the calendar for February..1st: amy's "birthday"6th: buy socks for grandma12th: buy a stovepipe hat14th: yeah love22nd: get wooden dentures cleaned27th: yodel like you mean it.

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-40332516319837776242007-01-31T10:07:00.000-08:002007-01-31T10:58:45.721-08:00

and the calendar says:and so, Armed with my trusty Spatula, Flip, I began the quest of making, and eating, a bacon sandwich.you know whats Amazing... I had no idea that there was a diet that consisted of bacon. but wow... this package is recommended by the South Beach diet. i think i love you South Beach Diet.and now, it was time to begin the cooking of the bacon.i tried to do some abracadabra

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-61200854705515257042007-01-30T09:07:00.000-08:002007-01-30T09:11:44.181-08:00

the calendar saysand so i must do.

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-41353929679806464402007-01-29T13:26:00.000-08:002007-01-29T13:29:26.748-08:00

and on the 19th, i had to ...and this is what I came up with....Enjoy

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-56070284737587400122007-01-16T06:59:00.000-08:002007-01-16T07:41:50.190-08:00

And according to the Mystical Calendar, I have toSo, off i went.I headed over to my "homie's" "crib" to kick the evening off.I started to get hungry, so we decided take a ride to find some tasty food things.of course, we had to be bumpin some fine tunes.the choice was an incredibly difficult one.shiiiit, just listen to that bassWe made it to popeyes, and had some wooonderfuly tasty chickengood

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-22621499738918015602007-01-05T13:28:00.000-08:002007-01-16T11:48:20.382-08:00

the 4th of Januaryand According to the calendar, it was the day of the ...So I headed to the one place there might be such a glorious event here in the Nati.I was super excited... the last time i was this excited was when i sneezed a carrot cube out of my nose... good times.i started strutting my finely tuned Mime Movessomething just wasnt right thoughi decided that i should just try the door and

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-82149784112619233862007-01-05T13:26:00.000-08:002007-01-16T11:46:11.937-08:00

This is what January looks like.

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8502084179305403751.post-16190769749367991642007-01-05T13:12:00.000-08:002007-01-05T13:44:19.786-08:00

I feel it is slightly necessary to give a bit of background to whats going on here.While a few friends and I were at a bar here in Cincinnati, I received a free "women of Cincinnati rock" calendar. one of my friends began writing things in it, though I did not see a single word he wrote in it.Later, he told me that he and another of my friends had taken the liberty to write a few of their own '

UselessTomatohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08364689990882641298noreply@blogger.com0